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Santa Claus, Gnostic

July 25, 2008
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Merry Christmas in July, everyone! I figured I’d honor this special occasion by considering another figure from American mythology – one who many of us believed was real for a few years of our lives. That’s right, I’m talking about Santa Claus.

Just about every American knows who Santa is – he’s that lovable guy that brings every good kid presents. However, I think that Santa has a lot in common with a first century heresy as well – that’s right, Santa is a Gnostic!

How do I figure? Well, lets review the basics of Gnosticism. Gnosticism is a heresy that teaches that to obtain salvation, you must know the secret wisdom, or Gnosis. Once you know this, you will be able to do what it takes to obtain salvation.

Now, what do we tell our kids about Santa? Basically, we tell them that Santa brings them presents every year (this is the secret, or the key to the wisdom). In light of this, kids should be good. They should do what is right, and this will unlock salvation (in this case, presents).

This pernicious influence has poisoned our children for years. No wonder Gnosticism has such cache in America! We have induced them into the cult from an early age! We must stamp out this Gnostic influence, and return to Christmas as it was intended! Down with Santa! Down with Gnosticism!

As I said, Merry Christmas in July everyone!

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One Comment leave one →
  1. ryan C permalink
    August 4, 2008 1:45 am

    Is this B Minich’s site?
    Wasn’t Santa Saint Nicholas, an early Christian famous for giving presents to orphans? Maybe I am wrong, that is what i read, though maybe I was misled. Let me know on face booke

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